Fallout

Assessment is over and I’ve got two Ds one for Portfolio and one for the CPJ. As much as I am disappointed, I am actually quite thankful that I’ve got Ds in the first place for I should’ve outright failed this assessment after submitting my work a day late without a medical certificate.

I can’t play this charade anymore, I can’t pretend that it I am okay with what you’re going through and staying in the sidelines bumping you back to your path at the cost of killing more and more of me. There are limits to how far I can go - I cannot save you anymore - for I am not the knight in shining Armani you’ve always dreamt of. I am something different.

Its not okay for you to say ‘oh you’ve never really told me how much you love me.’ I get it, you’re not the most insightful of people even though I make it a point as best as I could to show how much you mean to me. It’s the littlest things that I’ve hoped could open your heart to me and it is the littlest things that really do make you happy a - feeling you so easily cast away like one of those fanciful magazines you love to buy at Basheer. You feel the joy, the lightheadedness and even a form of satisfaction on the moment of purchase but like my love for you, the adventure of reading through it, exploring what it has to offer you or even cherishing its value are quietly abandoned as you neatly chuck it somewhere near your desk, never removing the shiny, superficially protective layer of shrink-wrap. Unlike those magazines, you will read them eventually, you just failed to read me.

I’ve grown foolishly close to you. I am not your friend - it kills me every time you said it. Even Tiara, the friend you so blatantly bitch about, the dumb blonde one is insightful enough to know that I love you, even bluntly hinting you towards it.

PM 08:36:44 Stacey: :-\

PM 08:36:52 Stacey: can you see the emoticon ?

PM 08:37:05 Lukas: nope

PM 08:37:07 Stacey: i dont know.. i feel like this is the sw and xy thing happening all over again.

PM 08:37:28 Lukas: er there’s no love triangle right

PM 08:37:59 Stacey: no. as in i have someone whom i know loves me right in my face, but im going for someone whom im not even sure about.

PM 08:38:36 Lukas: Who’s this new guy?

PM 08:38:42 Lukas: Do you love him as well?

PM 08:38:54 Stacey: my ex boyfriend.

PM 08:38:55 Stacey: hahaha.

PM 08:39:13 Lukas: which one?

PM 08:39:20 Stacey: the first one.

You don’t know how much I love you how many times I’ve been there for you how stupid of me to think something will happen and how I shouldn’t dream anymore.